From the Eyes of the Audience: Wicked Unveiled
by DEfy'GRavitY95
Summary: See Wicked explained like you've never read before. Bubble addictions, white tights and everything in between! All from the irregular minds of those sat in the auditorium!
1. Soap, bubbles and crime, oh my!

**A/N: So I'm putting myself back in the Wicked section, yay! Okay, so basically if you're confused (I know I am), I'm going to go through all of Wicked and write what thoughts I had the first time I watched it, so there will be a few personal additions, as you will see as you read on. I hope you find this interesting or whatever, if you don't, you basically do not like my brain and I cannot blame you for that but just try to humour me out of pity :P**

**Act 1, Scene 1- Fairy Liquid and the crime scene investigator!**

The musical starts with monkeys flying, one swings in on a rope! How amazing is that? Although, it's probably a lazy monkey, y'know, the runt of a monkey litter (is that what you call monkey offspring?) or the monkey that hates PE and going to the gym, making up excuses like "I think I would rather become a specialist in crime scene investigation" to get out of physical activity like flying. That monkey probably was always the last to be picked when the little monkeys had to play rounders and football in school. Poor monkey. Still, amazing rope. Actually, where did that rope come from?

Oh, lost my train of thought. What am I doing? Oh yeah, start of Wicked. The map of Oz (sorry, forgot to mention due to talking about monkey rounders, there's a huge map of Oz as the backdrop) is lifted by a lever by one monkey (obviously the bully monkey because he's strong enough to fly AND turn a lever) and releases the beast! No, sorry, it actually reveals a crowd of people singing about the death of the Wicked Witch of the West. They're not wearing flowers on their heads though or crying 'Ding Dong, the Witch is dead', so I'm just going to call them Random Ozian People.

One Random Ozian Person, probably a man or a woman with a really deep voice, suddenly stops the singing and announces the arrival of 'Glinda'. They all suddenly look up. Judging by this action, and the fact that this whole entirely musical is based around the two famous witches of Oz, but mostly for the first reason, I'm guessing they mean Glinda the Good Witch of the North because she flies around in a bubble.

Oh.

It seems Glinda is now blonde and wears blue, not pink. She also seems to have more self absorption issues than the Wizard of Oz Glinda because her first line is "it's good to see me, isn't it?" But I think I will let her off because HER bubble actually is producing bubbles itself, and bubbles make everyone look better. The Ozians must agree with me about bubbles because they cheer. They all suddenly start singing again because that's what they were enjoying themselves doing until the were rudely interrupted by the man/gruff woman, only this time, Glinda joins in.

And blimey, is it high. Do you reckon at the audition for a new Glinda, the people in charge just make the women scream as high as they can in front of a glass and whoever cracks it gets the bubble? It would give people more jobs, like 'The Earmuff Hander Outer' and I'm all for employment!

Inside the throat killing high E's, Glinda sings about being grateful that the wicked people are dead because, well, they were wicked. The Ozians (NOT Munchkins) agree because, well she was wicked. Kind of a give away when she was called the Wicked Witch of the West. During this cry made by Glinda, someone interrupts again (honestly, some people are so rude!) and asks if the Witch is actually dead.

Well, it'd be pretty awkward if she wasn't if you've just written and sang two minutes of a song about it. Glinda confirms the time of death (see, that monkey runt did earn the qualifications needed!) according to the 'Time Dragon Clock' (oh. Sorry monkey. Go play rounders instead.) as she points upwards. Wait, what Time Dragon Clo-oh. THERE'S A DRAGON ON SET TOO?

New. Favourite. Musical.

The Ozians cheer (again.) and start singing (again.) but then GLINDA interrupts them (so, the bubble princess is rude too!) and sings, slightly lower this time, about how the wicked have horrible lives and are left alone, probably owning a cat called Mr Tiddles before they die all by themselves because Mr Tiddles left her for his new girlfriend. Glinda seems to sound sad, maybe because she was dumped by Mr Tiddles too or she had to get out her bubble.

The Ozians continue the chorus until a woman who somehow reminds me of Hermione Granger cuts in with a question many people find 'confusifying' (Obviously Glinda hasn't read a dictionary in a while.) about why wickedness happens. Looking back, I think this woman deserves a name for causing the resulting musical and its awesomeness. So Glinda answers Ozian Woman Number 1 (see? Important name, that is! It's in capitals and everything!) by protesting that perhaps people have wickedness thrust upon them if they were not born with it. After all, the Witch had a bald father…and an unfaithful mother. This is shown in some memory/flashback wobbly things as the governor of Munchkinland (who just happened to be the Witch's father, according to Glinda) leaves his wife for work. He should've locked the door because a mysterious stranger is able to get in with mother dearest. Because this is a family musical, he sings/calls what they're going to do as 'a little mixer' while she drinks 'a green elixir'. Yeah. She's gonna regret that in the next few seconds. Children, word of advice: don't drink whilst 'mixing', it could lead to pregnancy.

And if you get pregnant… You. Will. Die.

Have fun with your boyfriends now.

So, the flashbacks cut to cheating wifey in labour. This is the only scene that Nanny is featured in, even though she seemed to be in most of the novel. But I'm not comparing the two. There wasn't a real giant dragon and a crime scene investigative monkey in the book so musical is winning so far. So Nanny the goat (sorry, Goat and the monkeys are actually Monkeys) delivers the baby and calls it 'atrocious'. I wonder if it kicked her or something….

No, it's just a green Baby Born. Wait, GREEN! Run for your lives! It's disgusting! It's horrific!…or you could just laugh as the governor and the Goat look at it like the doll is a bomb. That works too. The governor obviously doesn't find the situation as funny as me and my friend do and tells Nanny to take the thing away to reunite it with the Baby Annabell off stage that has blue skin like a Smurf. By the way, what colour does a Smurf go when it's choking?

We come back to the present day and Glinda sounds sad again as she says "so you see, it couldn't have been easy…" She is obviously having bubble withdrawal symptoms. I recommend her to the people who make Fairy washing up liquid so she has a packet of the soapy stuff with her at all times in case she needs to quickly listen to the familiar popping sound.

Oh no wait, the bubble is back. She rises again, as the Ozians start again (is there no end to their joy of the Witch's death after 6 minutes?) The song finishes with Glinda supplying another person with the earmuff job and cue clapping. We are all still wondering about those flashbacks projected from Glinda's head. Just, they seemed to show that maybe being wicked wasn't her fault. Wait a second… why is the Good Witch defending the Wicked Witch? It's not like they were _friends_ or anything!

The same man/gruff woman must share the same thoughts with me because, as Glinda is making her exit in her safe have of roundness, thinking about how she ended up blonde and slightly slow on the uptake of things, he/she shouts out "Glinda! Is it true you were her friend?"

Cue Awkward Silence (it's so awkward, each word has a capital letter!) and the end of scene 1!

**A/N: So that was scene 1! please review, you could just tell me how I need to get help if you want, perhaps if more than one of you say that, I might have to book an appointment with a doctor but we'll have to see...Thank you very much for reading and enjoy my smurf question :)**

**xxx**


	2. Yoda and the amazing Morrible fish

**A/N: To those who are interested in this story, I am so sorry for the space between the first chapter and this! But I am writing chapter 3 now so hopefully you'll get two updates in succession as an appeasement. Well, an appeasement if you care. Random question to start a conversation: Anybody watched Pirates of the Caribbean 4 yet? Opinions? Thoughts? **

**On with that subtle attempt to get people reviewing to talk to me about Pirates of the Caribbean (not that it's subtle now I've told you my plan), I give you Act 1, Scene 2!**

**Act 1, Scene 2**

So to recap: Glinda may/may not have an addiction to Fairy liquid, a lazy Monkey is struggling with his career choice and Ozian Woman Number 1 is born! But forget about her because that was her one and only starring performance.

Day 31 in the Random Oz house and Glinda is facing a difficult question at the hands of a man/gruff woman…

Okay, I'm going to come out of my Channel 4 voice and get back to what I'm meant to be doing. So yeah, the man/cross dressing woman is questioning Glinda on her opinion of chocolate. No? Oh right, whether the Witch was her friend. Although… questioning Glinda on Malteasers could be rather amusing…

Ozian Man (now HE has a name): So Glinda, your blonde Highness, a rather difficult question: Cadburys or Galaxy?

Glinda: I beg your pardon? I thought you said we were discussing chocolate. I do not have any strong opinions on Ozian football teams. If you must know, my favourite chocolate is an ostrich. Or was that? No, why did the green Baby Born cross the road? Because it had nobody to go with! Oww, brain freeze!

Ozian Man 2 (don't get them mixed up): Why are we worshipping her again?

Ozian Man: Dude, she floats in a bubble!

Glinda: Bubble? WHERE?

Not a fan? Okay.

So Glinda, is it true you were her friend? Suddenly there is an awkward silence and the spouse of interviewer gets to assault him once more. Someone will be sleeping on the couch tonight. Honestly, I'm surprised that not one person in all the time Wicked has been showing has NOT done the awkward turtle. I mean, c'mon! It's an opportunity not to be missed.

If there is any reading this who is in Wicked, I will literally give you a brownie if you squeeze in the awkward turtles babies as well.

After much deliberation and stuttering (a lady should think before she speaks, stumbling over one's words is not encouraged!) Glinda replies yes. The random ozian people gasp in horror, I swear I saw someone faint. Obviously they won't be in the next number.

Glinda backtracks a little (so maybe she isn't as stupid as we first thought) and says that they were friends at school when they were young. Oh alright, we should let her off. We can't judge people by who were friends with at school. I mean, when I was younger, I managed to persuade two friends of mine that I could talk to bees and if they broke their arms as well, they would be able to do the same I had a cast on my arm the first time we met).

I wasn't allowed back in their house for several years after that.

Suddenly, random ozian people are replaced with random young ozian people. Although, there does seem to be a girl who is half pineapple. Yep, there is no sign of the fainting person in the next song, which sounds like a school anthem thing which is nice, at my school, the only sounds you here are girls screaming at each other

over a boy. Suddenly the small clock underneath the big clock (show off) opens and a cuckoo pops out. Wow, the school has a giant and small cuckoo clock to go along with their anthem.

No.

Wait.

AHHHHH! It's the grown up Baby Born! Meaning… *SHOCK* It must be the Wicked Witch, as no other people with green skin live in Oz, I wonder why that is… (foreshadowing smirk of foreshadowing is seen)

So once we got over the fact that Annabell the baby smurf will not be making an appearance, it seems clear that this green girl has no warts on her face. Or hair. But she does have…glasses?

Oh great. The green girl is a nerd. And a student. Know what that means?

She will probably wake up one morning after a rough night dressed as a broccoli with a tattoo saying 'Papa smurf was here' on her forehead. Gotta love Uni.

Unfortunately nobody seems to share my brainwaves and are all running away from her. The pineapple girl even faints at the sight of her. I'm getting the feeling this is a flashback into the fainting person's past. It obviously is the past for everyone else as a familiar soprano note announces the arrival of a blonde. A blonde with no bubbles?

I have just been informed by my programme that the Wicked Witch of the West's name is Elphaba. You can spell it 'Elf-a-ba' if you want to look like a thicko though. So Elphaba basically rips the high note out of Glinda's throat by yelling at her and her past/future worshippers about their staring.

(I'm going to skip bits now as I'm reaching two A4 pages talking about the awkward turtle)

La de da de da… mean father who we saw being bald in the last scene…sister in a wheelchair. Wait. Hold on, why does she have arms? Oh yeah, actress, can't really chop off every single actress who portrays Nessarose's arms off. So the Wicked Witch of the East I'm guessing now cannot walk… governor gives her some jewelled shoes, although these are silver, unlike Judy Garland wearing red…bye dad, thanks for being mean…

Wait, is that a walking fish?

I thought my head teacher was bad. His eyebrow of mystery is nothing compared to this woman. Wasn't Madame Morrible the one who…

No, stay on the path of the musical.

Due to certain circumstances, apparently involving an essay, a private suite, a peculiarly tall Munchkin and a rubber duck, except not the rubber duck, Glinda (or, Galinda as she seems to be being called) and Elphaba are assigned to share a room, delighting certain people fond of the term 'Gelphie'.

Not listening to the protests of our beloved cucumber, Madame Morrible the Horrible (original, I know) tries to whisk off Nessarose to her suite. I'm guessing there's no couple name for them? See! People do have limits on FanFiction.

Elphaba then throws down her (green) suitcase, but instead of stamping her feet and screaming like having a normal temper tantrum, her anger makes Nessarose, who must be a pro in freestyle skateboarding to spin like that, inside her chair return to her hands.

Everyone is obviously sharing the same thoughts.

Oh. My. God. The green girl is a Jedi.

Actually, she's not. Morrible just says she has the gift of magic sorcery. Can we still call her Yoda? No? You really _are _horrible.

Destroying the dreams of George Lucas and musical fans combined, Madame Morrible says she will write to the Wizard as Elphaba possesses talent he would find interesting. She then departs, telling the now christened Galinda to go away for the first solo. Galinda seem irritated, perhaps because she has not had a whole song to herself yet or maybe because the green girl she hates/loves (depending on who you ship) has just taken the sorcery tutorial she wants.

I smell a hissy fit. But first, Elphaba's solo.

Now, this is not a review, this is meant to be something that some people _might _find funny. But I have to say that this song is adorable. I saw Rachel Tucker perform this the last time I went and she was just so darn cute. I have never heard anyone giggle excitedly during this song so it added to the cuteness factor. It also makes it quite sad in a way because we all know what the Wizard turns out to be due to watching the classic Wizard of Oz.

And with the last belt, what I see as Act 1 scene 2 finishes.

Next time: What is this Gelphie? And Old McMorrible had a farm!

**A/N; Merci beaucoup pour lire. Yep, I'm going to stop with the french now. So how did you find it? Was it so bad you are now poking out your eyeballs with a goldfish or are you actually tempted to risk your life by reading on?**

**To answer these questions, perhaps you could click that little square down there, if you do, Madame Morrible might contemplate allowing us to call Elphaba Yoda. ;)**

**xxxx**

**Have a fandibulous daysicle!**


	3. Space Time Continuum

**A/N: So sorry that this didn't come out yesterday evening as planned. But at least it's a next day update. I seem to be noticing a pattern. I am receiving three reviews for each chapter. Let's see if we can make it to four for this one? pleaseeee? There are tiny little people in Oz who love that their torture is being enjoyed so give me what I want and I shall think about releasing my tiny friends ;)**

**x**

Act 1, Scene 3

So to recap: The coupling Nessible is born! For those interested, there is a new movie being produced with this hot new couple so grab your tickets from the nearest FanFiction-Really-Has-Gone-Too-Far box office today! You should see the trailer, it's an absolute cracker ;)

Also the reason why Elphaba will grow up to be the Wicked Witch of the West is because she was bitter that her fish headmistress (and sister's girlfriend) wouldn't let her be called Yoda. That is obviously the reason. Why are we still going to sit here for the next two and a half hours?

On with the plot it seems…

Birds chirp as the final note of the frog's solo finishes and a rather angry (or sexually frustrated depending on which way you take it) blonde reappears. Now, due to the contacts I own, but mostly due to the fact I own some duct tape, a chair and some waffles I was able to get my hands on the _original_ version of What Is This Feeling?

Galinda: Dearest, darlingest Momsie and Popsicle (So Mrs Upland has obviously breeded with an ice lolly. Might explain Glinda's obsession with the bubble liquid…)

Elphaba: My dear Father. (boring…)

Blah blah blah… and now the interesting bit!

Ladies and Gentlemen…for the first time ever, the unedited version of What is This Feeling!

Girl love,

Pure and undeniable emotions,

For your legs,

Your eyes,

Your motions,

Let's just say,

We love it so!

Every single guy, however hot,

Makes my very skin begin to rot,

With their flat chests and horrid eating

They're so fat and so wrongggggg!

Yeah, have to stop there, I've been discovered. Apparently you need an extra large waffle with added chocolate to keep these people distracted. Hope the extract proved my point.

Going back to the family friendly version, Galinda must have made some sort of cat call as her minions come running. Perhaps she made a radar signal, y'know, like a bat? She would make one cool bat… and then, perhaps her and our beloved CSI Monkey could form a crime fighting duo! Like Batman and Robin only without Christian Bale but a magically appearing rope instead.

The students who apparently aren't fond of getting hammered with the green bean join in with the chorus until Elphaba breaks it up with the good old fashioned scare. That is of course the best way to stop people singing, saying boo. Actually, I might test that out and make the world a better place…

(somewhere in the USA)

Justin Bieber: (dancing on her bed, singing into her hairbrush) Baby, baby, baby, oooohhh

Me: (jumps from behind her) BOO!

Miss Bieber falls off the bed, and ends up in hospital, where the procedure accidentally leaves her with the inability to speak.

Thank you, thank you, just doing my duty for the world.

Elphaba uses her Jedi powers (yeah, right, like it's magic) and summons the next set of props. A classroom scene is produced and their teacher walks on stage. Now I'm not going to start talking about Madame Morrible being one for interspecies 'mixing' (considering she herself has a tail) but she has hired a Goat as a History teacher.

He is a pretty awesome goat. He's like the Professor Dumbledore of Oz. That probably makes Galinda the parallel of Lavender Brown. Finishing with the Harry Potter references, I feel that this is the morning after What is This Feeling as Galinda and Elphaba seem to have some sort of lover's tiff.

Dillamond: Settle down, now! I have read your most recent essays. And I am amazed to report the progress! Although, some of us still tend to favor form over content... Ms. : It's GARlinda, with a GAR. (Maybe I should start doing a count on the number of blonde comments she makes…)

amond: Excuse me... : I really don't see what the problem is. Every other professor seems to be able to pronounce my : Maybe pronouncing your precious name isn't the sole purpose of Doctor Dillamond's life. Maybe he's not like every other professor. Maybe some of us are : Oh! It seems the artichoke is steamed. (And a count on the number of clever comments, then at the end, see which total is higher?)

All does not seem well in the love nest.

Oh, important fact. Doctor Dillamond is the only Animal teacher in Shiz (perhaps Madame Morrible got jealous that all the animals were like the cool teachers from Hogwarts) and little by little, Oz is becoming less inhabited by talking animals (PLOT HINT)

In a bid to stop Galinda from pronouncing her name like a pirate, Doctor Dillamond turns over his blackboard (not only are they taking away animal's jobs but also their budget) and reveals a message reading 'ANIMALS SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD'. This is obviously very offensive to the Goat professor but I think that he would have been much more insulted if found this bit of paper the culprits left behind. It's a list of rejected statements…

There's:

'GO AND EAT SOME GRASS, WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE WAR!'

'THE GREAT DROUGHT? WHO CARES? THAT GREEN GIRL HAS A GLOWING STICK OF DEATH!'

'IF YOU'RE SO SMART, HOW DO YOU SPELL ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM?…oh.'

And my personal favourite…

'YEAH…WELL…YOUR MUM IS AN ELF!'

Due to the shock, the Goat tells everyone to leave. Elphaba hangs back though. Does she want to console him or has she forgotten to use the force and make the benches disappear?

It's the first answer as the classroom is still needed for this show of affection between goat and cabbage alike. Don't get too close though, Elphaba. He might eat you.

Doctor Dumblemond doesn't take her bite out of her but instead sings about the growing mood of fear felt by the Animals as they are all forgetting how to speak. Oh no! That means our Monkey runt won't be able to say 'I think he's dead' anymore. Someone must stop this!

Elphaba feels the same way. She values the work of our Monkey (she probably hated rounders too) and promises that the Wizard will stop whatever is happening to the Animals.

Me forty minutes after this scene (yep, I'm amazingly able to travel in time): Poor Elphaba doesn't have a clue

*SHOCK* Just gave my past self a spoiler… wait, is that even possible? I've already seen…

Right, while I was pondering the wonders of paradoxes and the space time continuum, Doctor Dillamond is beginning to sound like…well, a goat.

Oh no. It's happening to him. If it reaches me, you shall all know my true form!

Nooooooo…MOO!

Umm, yes I AM human!

Distraction, distraction, oh look! It's the fish woman!

Madame Morrible ushers away Doctor Dillamond who is baa-ing away like there's no tomorrow.

Wait. Was that a hidden/blindingly obvious evil smirk? Elphaba, the fish might've smirked!

Elphaba ignores me and finishes the song to get the people behind stage ready for the arrival of a new character… squealing girls in the row behind be ready!

With the last thoughtful line of 'It couldn't happen here in Oz', the stage goes black.

* * *

><p><strong>Still to come: THAT guy, Chlorophobia and THE TWINSSS!<strong>

**Glinda's blonde-o-meter: 1**

**Glinda's wit-o-meter: 1**

**A/N: So I hoped you enjoyed scene 3. If like Elphaba, you have special powers, you can click that button with your mind. But if you are a mere mortal like myself, please could you manually leave a little message of love**

**I appreciate every piece of feedback I receive. You lot are the best!**

**xxx :)**


	4. Held Hostage

**A/N: Hello? Can I peek around without getting hit for my late update. If there is any way of making people feel better, I have not been enjoying my time not writing, going on holiday with my pet micro pig or anything like that. I've had two two hour maths exams, but now I'm free from the area of triangles and the names Tarish and Bob forever! Yay!**

**But Maths was not my only problem, as you will see when you continue down the page...*mysterious chuckle* Were any of you involved in the incident by the way?**

Act 1, Scene 4

Dancing Through Life next!

So, if any you are interested, here is one reason why I haven't been able to update:

Thurday 9th June, approx 1800 hours

Author can be seen typing the words Dancing Through Life.

Wait, what's that noise?

*the sound of stampeding feet can be heard*

Oh no.

No please, I know you're all excited about Fiyero but please, I actually have to write this first! Nooo!

*A huge crowd of girls come running around the corner, carrying the author in a fan girl frenzy*

2 hours later…

I have managed to crawl back to my computer, but some crazy teenage girl has taken my Wicked programme ransom, so if one of you could please return it, minus the hearts you have drawn around Oliver Tompsett's face, I would be very grateful.

So, where was I?

Ah yes, and this is where the nightmare begins. A man drawn cart pulls up in what apparently is the courtyard. Now, seeing as this musical is all about the untold story of the witches of Oz, I think there should be a spin off with the untold story of Avaric, how he suddenly went from a fairly prominent character in the novel by Gregory Maguire to becoming a chauffer in the musical… it could be called: Avaric: the untold story of Horseboy.

Fine. Okay, you've caught me. I'm trying to put off the introduction of our newest character as much as possible.

Sigh.

So, Elphaba is walking along minding her own business, reading a book titled 'Don't Worry, You're Not the Only Misunderstood One' when suddenly she is attacked (well not attacked because creates the image of something jumping on her and going 'rawrrrr!'), so she is suddenly hit by this cart. She is obviously mad as it made her lose her page! How rude! Zap him, greenie!

*five seconds later*

NO! Don't zap him! You hurt him and I will hunt you down in your sleep and…and…make a salad out of you! He's too cute to zap!

Ahem. Sorry about that. I'll just get on with my observations, shall I? Okay, so what have I learnt from this scene so far?

Number 1: Elphaba has just kicked her future lover (sorry, am I giving away the plot?)

Number 2: The costume designer of the musical is definitely female.

Evidence? The poor bloke is wearing tights…

While the girls behind me are replaced with gibbering wrecks at the sight of Fiyero's…ahem…assets, cue the entrance of Galinda (with a GA) and Boq. Now, Boq is a recently introduced character so briefly and cruelly I am going to say that Boq is THAT guy.

Oh, you all know, the guy who you can't help feeling sorry for but it still wouldn't be enough to say yes to him. And Miss Shiz seems to agree with me. Another geek is infatuated with the head cheerleader. This reminds of the time I had a crush on this guy for ages, then he went and laughed at me for reading books…

But I found you online, didn't I? And you don't look so jocky now, gained a little weight have we? So who's the real victim, Chris Woodham?

*cough* Umm… I'm not bitter, promise. Shall we…move on?

Right. Good.

Oh great, little miss perky immediately hits it off with the reason why I have padlocks on my door. Toss blooming toss.

…he's started singing. There is literally nothing I can really say except that it now clear Susan Hilferty is a full red blooded woman. And the choreographer was also probably held at gunpoint by those who were responsible for the parade into my room.

Moving on… there's going to be a partayyy! Do you think it'll be fancy dress? They could all go as characters from the Wizard of Oz or something…oh. Good one. Uh oh. The not-so-short Munchkin is making his way over to popular girl.

No, Boq don't do it. They'll just laugh at you, call you a bookworm then cry 'wormie, wormie!' for the next 3 years of your life until you move schools but not before people start trying to put worms in your books and…

Why you conniving, sneaky, horrid little- This insult has been censored due to the K+ rating this fiction is set at.

I'm calm. But still! Do you know what prissy pink did? She manipulated our red cap wearing Munchkin into asking Elphaba's sister so he wouldn't get in the way of her quality face time with FiFi. Why can't Elphaba just enchant the epic dragon to come to alive and blast Miss Galinda to a cinder. That way, I can use the real Fiyero as a hostage to get my Wicked merchandise back and we can all toast marshmallows! Everyone's a winner!

Here come the witch sisters and the green bean is still fuming over the 'scandalicious' Winkie Prince. Obviously she wasn't able to get revenge with my dragon example. Sorry, You'd better just make your own campfire, looks like Galinda will not be crying over third degree burns in the near future.

Nessarose however rains on the abusive parade by saying that she got asked out with the help of her sister's worst enemy (*cough* bed buddy *cough*). I'm beginning to see a sub plot being mentioned here. It seems that Nessa is not grateful for anything her sister does for her. Maybe she just has chlorophobia?

Chlorophobia (some kind of posh name for a type of word): An abnormal aversion to the colour green.

How amazing do you think her childhood was?

Little Munchkin boy: Hey Nessarose, look what I've found! (pulls out a flower for her)

Mini Nessarose in a mini chair: Aaaaahhh! Get it away from me!

Little Munchkin boy 2: You're scaring her! Hey Nessa, let's go for a picnic…(wheels her over to a picnic basket in the park)

Mini Nessarose in a mini chair: Green, everywhere! Don't let it touch me! Don't let it touch me! It burns! It burnsss!

Slightly mini-er Elphaba: Hey, mind if I come and join you?

Mini Nessarose in a mini chair: The green is talking! It's alive! AAAHHH! (faints)

Despite Nessa's view of her being everything she fears manifested, Elphaba feels that Galinda deserves some thanks for making her sister happy. She goes off to find the should be medium rare blonde, who is currently getting dressed (Elphaba is missing out on a fantasy ;))

Her sidekicks, Pfanne and ShenShen, or as I wittily call them because I'm clever, Tweedledum and Tweedledimmer, appear. One of them, the pineapple headed one, pulls a hat out of a box. The pointed hat makes its starring appearance!

Refer upwards to find the previous insult that applies to the blonde yet again as she decides to latch the 'hideodious' accessory onto its iconic owner as revenge for the lovers' argument she has not got over yet. Judging by her desperation to embarrass the green bean, they are probably at Stage 3 (you would find a chalk line dividing the room so they won't come in contact with one another.)

The other half of the dynamic duo enters again and is about to either confront Galinda or apologise for the spat but is interrupted by Galinda rhyming the word 'smart' with 'heart'. And this is a musical that has won numerous shiny awards for its music score. Elphaba is left with a the hat and departs feeling a weight lifted about that chalk line.

Boom. Pretty fairy lights ignite (or light up if you want a less pretty word) and cue students in all black and white so Galinda sticks out like the queen of subtly (sarcasm) with her bright pink *shudder* frilly dress. And Fiyero is actually wearing passable clothing? I wonder what happened in the hostage base with Susan Hilferty to allow that…

Fan girl number 1: You WHAT? You gave him a jacket that actually covers him? That's what unhot guys like Boq wear!

Boq stood getting his costume tailored: Hey!

Susan Hilferty: But I kept the boots! I know, what about if I give a tight green shirt and some suspenders in the next act?

Fan girl number 1: Group huddle! (the girls arrange themselves in a circle, sounds of giggles can be heard, was that a quack? They reappear out)

Fan girl number 2 (who appears to be wearing a shirt with a bronze haired albino scribbled over and a caption 'Team Edward' crossed out and replaced with 'Tiggular': Alrigh', you gotcha yourself a deal. Give him some tight trousers to go with it and you're free.

Madame Morrible appears ready to get down wid da kids and get drunk on lemons and melons and pears (oh my!). She interrupts Galinda and Fiyero's snogging session (hello, pervert) and hands the pink bubble a wand that Elphaba has blackmailed the Fishtress into giving to Galinda. Or else.

Oh dear. Is Miss Galinda (with a GA) feeling guilty about her mean prank? Too late to apologise now though because…

*cue dramatic music* dun dun dunnn! Elphaba has just come down the stairs wearing her hat and looking like a bruise (don't yell at me, please, I love her too, but black, blue and green?) Everyone is so stunned that they forget that a girl is wearing pink to a black and white party and focus on the girl wearing slightly-off black. Picky.

I can't really say anymore because this is one of my favourite scenes and there's nothing funny about it. Basically, Elphaba realises that Galinda did not mean well when she gave her the hat gift and was fully aware that Elphaba will be laughed at, even though Elphaba had just arranged said wand giving. Elphaba pretends that she doesn't care and bravely starts dancing by herself, poor thing.

She should have started the Conga, everyone would have joined in instantly.

But here comes the nice bit…do I get an 'awww!'? Because Galinda sees Elphaba trying to act indifferently and realises what she's done (shall we give her one point for un blondeness?) so proceeds to join Elphaba's silent dance, despite the astounded glares of the tweedles.

Once people see the alpha female dancing with the walking cucumber, they all join in as well and after 1,743 words, Dancing Through Life is complete.

Can I have my stuff back now? Pleaseeee?

**So now I promise that Popular shall be up in the maximum time of two days when I finish the last of my really need to actually be bothered with exams. If it is not up in that time, well, you can come and take the rest of my Wicked related items...please don't :(**


	5. How can I not be ranked!

**A/N: I get it. This isn't 2 days later, more like 7. But I had a run in with writer's block and I started a new job. Well, not new, considering I have never worked before but enough about me. You will find Popular finished if you scroll down and I hope it is to your satisfaction. If you would like another reason for my late update before you murder me, this scene is humourous in itself so it takes uber brain cells to come up with something else. Pathetic, I know but please read!**

So a short summary of lessons we have learnt:

1. Never become a specialist in bubble related mental problems or else you'll have a psychotic blonde breaking your door down.

2. Do not choose a seat around teenage girls (sometimes guys) if you are aware the production you're seeing contains a rather attractive male wearing tights.

3. Don't get your hopes up about someone making an awkward turtle during a performance or you'll just be disappointed (insert sad face here)

4. While Nessarose is out stalking Boq or entering a freestyle skateboarding competition, feel free to barge into Nessible's room and paint the whole thing green. The police record is worth it, trust me.

And finally 5. If you wish to gain a new friend, act horrible to them and embarrass them in front of your entire year, they will gain a new respect for you and you'll become the best of buddies…until one of you still the other's guy *GASP* spoiler!

On with Act 1!

Scene 5

Beds slide in to announce the change of scene and poor Elphaba is looking about as awkward as a cow on rollerskates gliding into a pig-only party. And who can blame her? Her blonde roommate is really going for the whole Aerial dance move on the bed next to her.

Galinda's portrayer stops trying to show the critics that she could be the next Odette in Swan Lake and is shocked to hear that Elphaba has never been to a party.

So the green girl who admittedly is a bit dull but still could be quite cool drunk has never been clubbing with a tights wearing guy yet the girl pirouetting on the mattress is seen as a must have to make the event memorable? Where's the righteousness?

Did I mention that said ballerina is convinced she will marry her recently acquired boyfriend after one day of being perfect together? Oz really has a weird opinions on social barriers.

In return for her proclamation of her having early stages of attachment issues, Galinda demands a secret from Elphaba. Now will it be…?

A) "Well, I've never really told anyone, but once when Nessa was just a baby, I painted her green whilst she was sleeping in her cot and waited for my father's reaction when he came to pray over her."

B) "When I'm alone in our room, I find a pair of your frilly knickers and put them on, over my skirt. That's the reason why your friends call me a freak. They once interrupted me crying 'don't worry Animals, because here comes SUPER CACTUS!' as I jumped on the beds."

Or C) "It's my fault for my sister's disability. If I hadn't been born, she wouldn't be the way she was."

Oh. Her secret was C. Well that's boring. But actually, I bet Boq is thankful for the existence of Elphaba. Despite the fact he finds her repulsive and disgusting and horrid and abominable and just generally displeasing to the eye, if it weren't for her, Nessa would be able to chase him faster.

I think that was a little bit mean…ah well.

To show that she cares, Galinda decides to give Elphaba a makeover. Not I am not joking. This is literally how the conversation goes…

Elphaba: So, yeah, my father wishes that I was never born and my sister hates me because I killed her mother and made her wheelchair bound for the rest of her life.

Galinda: Yeah, I'm just going to nod my head understandingly because I reallllllyyyyy care and to show you that, I'm going to give you a makeover so by the end of it, you'll look like a glittery artichoke rather than a plain ol' vegetable!

See what I mean?

Now, call me naïve, but to make someone beautiful and worthy of a certain Winkie prince (that wasn't a spoiler by the way because I didn't mention the prince's name was Fiyero…oh.) surely you should do more than jump around and insult their clothing in a bid to get them to realise how ugly they look?

And I thought Gok Wan was torture.

But poor little Elphaba, despite the genuine fear written all over her face, believes Galinda that simply whipping your hair back and forth will get the guy she doesn't know she's in love with yet (honestly, I am giving away the plot here!)

Willow Smith: Did somebody whip their hair?

No. Go away.

Where was I? Oh yes.

Galinda: So, like, basically, yeah, you shake your head to make you look amazingly hot, like me. Oh, and, like, do it as hard as you can. The more you look like you're having an epileptic shock, the more he'll come crawling because he'll think you're like dying and want to save you. Like the Bend and Snap, but more violent!

Yeah. So, that universal truth is complete so Galinda next tries out her newly given wand on Elphaba's dress (bibbity bobbity boo and all) but Elphaba casts a silent Protego to protect herself from being forced into a copy of the pink toilet brush the blonde is wearing and the wand does not work.

Galinda: Oh, would you look at that! My wand doesn't work! I know! Let's put this flower in your hair and automatically you will feel and look stunning, which begs the question, why did I do this makeover in the first place when all you needed was this clip?

Galinda puts the flower in Elphaba's hair and hands her the mirror.

Elphaba: Oh. My. Tiggular. I look smoking!

Galinda: Did you just say…smoking?

Elphaba: NO! No! I umm….said…don't look at me! I don't think this flower has made me look any better and you're just kidding yourself…so, I…have to go! DON'T LOOK AT ME!

Elphie (new nickname that came to Galinda a couple of paragraphs ago but I couldn't be bothered to mention it until now) runs off stage so Galinda's portrayer can finally do a mezzo soprana belt to prove that she is as multi talented as her co-star, so could she PLEASE get more solos or better yet, a go at Defying Gravity?

Galinda: _la la, la la! you'll be popular! Just not quite as popular as ME! _Ha, 79th on Entertainment Weekly's list of The 100 Greatest Characters of the Past 20 Years? I WILL BEAT YOU! 78th place, watch out!

**A/N: Popular is done, we're moving into the plot, mostly due to my rubbish spoilers but I figure people reading this section have obviously watched the play so I'm only joking as you already know about the plot I'm letting slip. **

**Shall we see if I get to 20 reviews by the end of Act 1? Please help me reach that goal, but if you want to add over 20, I'm fine with that too ;)**


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